This Is My Last Dance

People used to say to me things like "I can pinpoint the exact moment when I fell in love with him", and things like that. Me? I'm pretty sure I can pinpoint the exact moment that I crossed the threshold from being "mentally unstable" to "absolutely fucking insane". In that moment I went from crying hysterically, which in itself isan incredibly rare occurance, relatively on par with the appearance of Halley's comet; to laughing hysterically, at the stupidity of it all. Life is so meaningless. Everybody says that I should be looking for my "higher purpose in life". What fucking higher purpose?

Oh, wait. Perchance, my higher purpose is to make everybody WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CORPSE.

The delicious, cold, creepy one, that slightly resembles me. I've always wondered what I'd look like at my funeral. But then, I'm muslim, so nobody would see my beautiful dead body. That kinda sucks. Still, it is so much easier to make people listen to you once you're dead. People are more likely to obey a dying wish than they are to obey the law. Maybe my "higher purpose" is to remind people that life is fleeting, not long enough for you to spend half your time fightig with those you call your friends. However hard it may be, forgive and forget. Life only comes once. Don't waste it dwelling on bad things that have happened. Remember only the good times.

These last few lines I speak to two people especially. Looking at photos of the two of you over the years, seeing you both smiling and happy, like nothing could bring you down... It makes me feel what I believe normal humans would call sadness, knowing that you don't even speak anymore.

--

Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For the people on the edge of the knife

And love dares you to change our ways
Of caring about ourselves

This is our last dance.

Cynthia

Yes, I'll tell you all about the rest of my time in Asia later.

This post is dedicated to someone really quite special, whose birthday was a couple of days ago. I've known her for about six years. And when I think about it, we've been through a lot of fairly traumatising events. Not least of which being year 6 sex ed (wherein, I didn't really learn much, however, I believe the experience scarred her for life), our constant changing tastes in guys (okay, my constantly changing tastes, her rolling her eyes at me and maintaining her own taste, and attempting to convince me that hers is better... fine, I'll admit it, just this once... she's right =.="), and more recently, high school, and my incredible retardedness at maths, and terrible habit of getting into trouble.

She's been my voice of reason for almost as long as I've needed a voice of reason, keeping me out of trouble as much as is humanly possible, which isn't much, but I (and the rest of the world) thank you for your considerable contribution to keeping society peaceful. It's a miracle that you've managed to stay sane after all these years.

Cynthia, you're practically family now, and I love you more than I can put into words <3
Hope you enjoyed your birthday, and I'm sorry this is so delayed.

Asia Holiday - 11/04/11, 0951 hours AEST

I’m writing this from the air, Air Asia X flight from Coolangatta (Gold Coast) to Kuala Lumpur. I’ll admit, when the plane started speeding down the driveway, I was pretty scared. As some of you may know, I’ve had my doubts about this trip, and the rough takeoff was a little bit jarring. But almost immediately , we flew over the coast, and got an absolutely amazing view of the beach, and the beautiful sparkling blue ocean. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a picture for you guys… They’re kinda really strict on the “no electronics during takeoff and landing” thing. Possibly because that could cause the plane to crash and burn, but eh.


One of the upsides of going to Asia on an Asian plane is that the flight attendants are all Asian. And I’m trying very hard not to come off racist here, but you all know I don’t mean it like that, right? However, Asians, especially flight attendants, always appear a lot nicer than their white counterparts. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a whole bunch of really nice Australian flight attendants too, but for the most part, they just act like train drivers: just doing their job. Which isn’t really that problematic, but one of the flight attendants asked what I was doing, and when I said I was blogging, she said she’d check it out on the ground. Also, they have Asian accents. So. Freaking. Adorabubble. “Diid yuu pree ordahh food meestaah?” Okay, not quite that exaggerated, but still… :3

Speaking of food… I got me a nasi lemak (picture below). Nasi lemak is this malaysian meal, with rice, chicken curry, some other sweet and spicy curry stuffs, and salted peanuts and dried anchovies. One of the best, if not the best in-flight meal I’ve ever had. SO YUMMEH~!



Nasi Lemak. In a box.

 I’m already kinda homesick, missing all of you so much. I know some of you are going to be like “Dude,
it’s 9 days. Harden the fuck up! How are you going to survive when we all graduate and move away to the four corners of the world?”. But I DO miss you guys. And it’s hard to adjust to the fact that there is nobody a phone call or keystroke away anymore. It’s just me, myself and I.

Also, I feel SO missed, it’s insane. Friday was the last day of term, and the last day I saw anybody other than my family in person. It was one of the best afternoons EVER (aside from a short period of being completely and totally out of my comfort zone). I got to see almost everyone, and meet some new people, which was pretty cool. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and even Monday morning were full of goodbye phone calls, texts, emails, facebook messages, even a card. You guys literally made my month :3

We're about to land now, so I shall update you guys more later.
Selamat siang anak~!

I feel like a MONSTER!

Actually, probably a Rockstar. Or a V. Or a Red Bull. Maybe even a Mother.

Caffeine. It's ingestible in many ways. It is also the lifeblood of my current existence, or, put in simple terms, the only thing that is keeping me standing at the current moment.

Those readers who have been following me for awhile would know about my generally terribly history of sleeping patterns. Yes, my insomnia has returned, and it shows absolutely no signs of going away any time soon. I have decided not to opt for sleeping pills this time around, because if they do happen to put me to sleep (which hardly ever happens), I end up with the biggest hangover the next day. It's a "lesser of two evils" situation, I guess.

Accompanying my sudden bout of insomnia is a less sudden bout of bitchiness. Yes, I know most of you are asking the same question: so what's changed? Well. I don't think it's noticeable to people other than me, and maybe one other person, but normal-bitchy (hereafter referred to as NB) is when I bitch out at people in moderation. Using the normal techniques of sarcasm, manipulation, and general emotional and mental torment. However, when I am in NB mode, I employ these techniques very carefully, in order to not push my victims too far, because I really do love most of them, deep down in that black abyss where my heart should be.

In my current bitchy mood... Well, I have no limits. Thankfully, I'm not subjecting everyone to this terrible mood of mine. Just a select few, who decided to piss me off at a terribly unfortunate time. Of course, they couldn't have known it at the time, poor things, but then, Life's not fair, is it now? As for my former measure to make sure that I didn't cross any lines, or push anybody too far... I passed the point of too far many, many days ago. I have probably crossed all the lines that I know of. And the terrible, heartless, inhumane fact of the matter is: I honestly don't care.