Nananananananana, Batman?

Movies tell me to trust the person I know... Knew.


My mind tells me that in each bitchy rumour, there is at least a kernel of truth. In this case... That adds up to a whole lot of truth.


My heart tells me to forget about trust, 'cause in the end, you should always expect people to fuck you over.


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"Explain to me, how one guy causes so much drama."


I actually felt bad then, letting an almost complete stranger twist my view of someone I loved, someone I trusted completely. I thought he was wrong, and I told him that he knew jack shit, and asked him politely to change the topic. He cheerfully acquiesced, only speaking one final line on the subject:

"One day, he will look at you, and you will see nothing in those eyes that you trust so much. Nothing, but utter contempt for you, as if the two of you had been born natural enemies, and had lived that way your entire lives. When that day comes, you'll remember me, and remember that everything he told you was a cold blooded lie."

 Of course, I didn't believe him. I had no reason to, up 'til now. Shows how much I know. It was accidental, me being there that day. I could have, should have taken one of the many other possible paths. But I didn't, and I did end up seeing him that day, and though I couldn't quite put my finger on the emotion that I saw in his eyes, those words came instantly to mind.

"Natural enemies."

I'm not just a girl with these broken dreams, even I can go to heaven if I part the seas

Rain is my boyfriend. Girlfriend. Significant other.
Rain is what I turn to for comfort and solace.
Right now, what I want most in the world, the thing that could make all my problems disappear, isn't to be safely in the arms of a ridiculously amazing person. There are enough of those in my life for me to make that wish a reality. I don't want somebody to hold me and wipe away my tears, and tell me it'll all be okay. Because realistically, it won't be. For a few moments, minutes, hours, I'll feel great. Then, moving from that to the real world... It's shattering.
What I want, is to curl up in a ball, on the cold concrete, with the rain beating down around me. Not because it's an incredibly pleasant sensation, but because it brings a grim reminder, like a nudge from reality. Every single life will disappear, and most will be meaningless in the stream of things. My life, the people around me, everything that seems so important right now, will all ultimately disappear, like tears in rain.

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People did ask me what was wrong. Lots of people, actually. I haven't been able to give them a decent answer, because, while I do have problems, they're not the main cause of my breakdowns. Apparently I'm an empath. Which, basically means that I'm more emotionally sensitive than most people, and have a heightened level of empathy.

Whoever you may be, even if you appear in the most miniscule way in my life, if you hurt, I hurt. This is apparently a good thing, supposedly making me a better listener, and giving me the ability to give good advice. But in reality, it just means I try to cut myself off from others. Which in itself is incredibly infuriating, seeing as I then feel guilty about not trying to help people with their problems, which adds guilt to all the other negative feelings that I was feeling before.

Another part of being an empath: Trust. Apparently I do it too much. I honestly can't help it though. Is it so wrong to assume that everybody in the world isn't out to fuck you over? Is it naive to trust that someone's telling you the truth, and not just trying to squeeze some information out of you?
I will believe in the inherently good nature of human beings, until each, individual person, proves me wrong. You cannot properly judge a whole generation on the actions of a few. Because somewhere among the lumps of coal, you'll walk past a diamond.

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As much as I am surrounded by problems and negativity, I'm doubly surrounded by truly beautiful people. I don't need to mention them by name, they know who they are. The friends I can count on for anything, whether it be to listen,
To fangirl,
To scare me into working,
To ditch school because school is LAME,
To sit around an eat my feelings with me,
To put up with my crazy,
And most of all to be there. Every single day of my life.

So, to all the amazing, magical, beautiful people in my life, past, present and future: Thank you for existing. I wouldn't be where I am now if your parents hadn't decided to fuck on that fateful night.