Living In The Sun

Rolling around laughing
In the summer sun
Playful and wild,
All the young
Beautiful children.

--

Life, the state one finds themself in when living, is a fragile thing. This state of Life, in reality, is the only thing we live for. In the teenage years, one learns much about Life, if not its value, then its extremely brittle nature. As a child, we do not understand Life much at all, let alone the notion of Death. We are observant enough to notice the perpetual absence of a loved one, but not yet intelligent enough to know how, or why, or to feel much sadness. Growing up, in the later teenage years, most have experienced the loss of someone close to them. It is a constant reminder, that Death can take us at any time - Life is not forever.

Metamorphosis

Metamorphosis. It's a mesmerising word, really. I can just see the kaeidoscope of colours that that word should, by all rights, bring to the world. Instead, metamorphosis, the beautifully intriguing word that it is, means nothing of beauty or colour, or anything in the least bit mesmerising. Rather, it is another word for change.

Change is a frightening thing. If you think about it, the tiniest little change, could upturn your entire life. Change is also, a lot of the time, beyond your own control, but somehow... All important, in the course of your life. A tiny decision, a tiptoe off the usual path, eternally alters life as you know it, whether for better or for worse.

You can tell me that change is good, you can tell me that change is normal. I will still hate it.

--

First off, sorry readers for neglecting my blog for over 2 weeks. As most of you would know, I've had exams and whatnot going on, so I haven't really spent as much time as I should have on my blog. Gomen nasai. That being said, I also seem to be suffering from a peculiar form of writer's block. I have about a dozen drafts, all of which sound terrible. The spiel of writing that you see above is the least shitty draft that I had.

I will attempt to post again tomorrow, to make up for missing the last two Wednesdays in a row. Although, it may just be another stream of consciousness, because I really lack inspiration at the moment.

And so I bid you good morrow, with these fine words:

Yes, Ash Ketchum does live in Pallet Town.

I find humanity decidedly difficult.

This is going to be a spur of the moment stream of consciousness kinda thing, because the original draft I had for today's post was apparently "too heartless" and would probably "offend some of my more sentimental readers". My draft was titled "L-O-V-E's just another word I'll never learn to pronounce", and it was basically on how I personally don't believe in love.

Yes readers, you read that right.
I.
Don't.
Believe.
In.
Love.

At least, not in the sense of a human being desperately needing another human being or else they will become morbidly depressed. The thought just irritates me. But I am going to get off this topic now, before I say something that will offend somebody, and utterly defeat the purpose of not posting the draft that I had already written up.

Love, or the feeling of love, is one of those quintessentially "human" things, much like happiness, or joy. I don't relate to any of those things. The only thing remotely in resemblance to any kind of human emotion that I feel is an overwhelming sense of worry.

Yes, worry. I've often been told that I worry way too much than is even remotely normal. Which is probably true. It's as if I'm making up for all the other emotions that I lack, and putting all the energy that I would have used to be happy, joyful, jealous, angry, or any other emotion, into worrying. About every possible thing that could happen with any small action that I do.

At the current moment, I'm worrying over who is going to read this, what they're going to think, whether I should edit it to fit their expectation. I'm worrying about people, who's going to do something stupid on the way home, and if they're going to get away with it. I'm worrying about school, about my marks from the essay I just handed in. And now I'm worrying more about my blog, and whether updating once a week is too much or too little, and wondering why people read my insane ramblings anyway.

It's amazing how many individual worries can fit into my head at a time, when I can't remember three pages for a drama script.

Sometimes it stops for a while. A loud voice yells out, above all the whispering doubts in my head...

"NIGGA, PLEASE!"

Why you such a player for?

Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to bitch, so I'm going to try. Really, really hard.

But seriously. Must you be such a player?
Just to clear it up, readers, I'm probably not talking to all of you. Not even most of you. Probably none of you.
But a certain somebody, who is a good friend of mine, asked me to lie to some girl, and basically help him to get into her pants. Which I was willing to do. Because, you know, I'm a nice, supportive friend, who is an absolutely fucking terrible influence on such young children as this one. So I did it.
Then, about 10 hours later, I realised something.

I know who this chick is.

My next thought went something like this:
OMGWTFshithellassballswhattheWHYrageemoconfusedGRARjeez
THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO A PERSON.

Now I'm kinda torn. Because however much I want him to get laid and be less irritatingly sexually frustrated, she's actually a really nice person. And yes, it has occured to me to ask her for her opinion, but really, I'm not one for much talking with people genuinely about feelings and such. Like, if I talk to you about my feelings, or actually listen to you rant on about yours, you are a very special person. Because feelings are very muchly out of my range, similar to human emotions. But I digress.

I don't understand the point of this at all. If you want to fuck somebody so badly, hire a hooker. What is the point of putting all that effort into fucking some chick and then having her kick you to the curb when she finds out you're a total juicebag? People try to explain to me the mentality behind it, but I just don't get it.

Wow... It's, uh, been a while

*blows dust off blog*

To my faithful readers.

Okay, let's be honest here...

To anyone who actually reads this thing.

You may have noticed the profound lack of activity on here. But nevar fear! I am going to attempt to commit to a regular update schedule (once I figure out something deep and meaningful enough to blog about).

Honestly, I think I'm actually in a better state of mind to have a blog now than I was before. Looking back at my previous posts, most of them are full of teenage angst and bitchiness. Over the past few months, I've definately grown as a person. I might have even grown up, just a teeny tiny little bit.

I've learnt who my real friends are, and figured out which ones are just pretending to be a friend. And I let them go on pretending. Surprisingly, I actually don't give a damn. If you want to put the effort into pretending to be nice to me, then that's your deal. But don't think I'm going to jump through hoops for you either. Because I honestly can't be bothered.

You're also probably going to see a lot less bitching on here too, for the most part. And if there is bitching, I will try to bitch in a very humorous and interesting way, perhaps in iambic pentameter...

So what have I actually been doing in my time away from here? Well, for starters, I have pretty much got my school life back together, being a good organised student and all, and managing to have a vague semblance of a social life. A very vague semblance. I've also managed to improve my social skills with actual, living, breathing people. HOLY SHIT. And I've managed to pick up a whole bunch of new friends. "Where do you find these people?" you may ask, and the answer, children, is that I do not find them. Throughout life, you'll meet lots and lots of people. Some of them will be around for a day. Some will be around for life. And a select few of them will touch your life so many times, that without realising it, they will shape who you are, and who you will become in the future.These peope are not found, they are brought to you by the hands of Fate, Destiny and Chance.