I find humanity decidedly difficult.

This is going to be a spur of the moment stream of consciousness kinda thing, because the original draft I had for today's post was apparently "too heartless" and would probably "offend some of my more sentimental readers". My draft was titled "L-O-V-E's just another word I'll never learn to pronounce", and it was basically on how I personally don't believe in love.

Yes readers, you read that right.
I.
Don't.
Believe.
In.
Love.

At least, not in the sense of a human being desperately needing another human being or else they will become morbidly depressed. The thought just irritates me. But I am going to get off this topic now, before I say something that will offend somebody, and utterly defeat the purpose of not posting the draft that I had already written up.

Love, or the feeling of love, is one of those quintessentially "human" things, much like happiness, or joy. I don't relate to any of those things. The only thing remotely in resemblance to any kind of human emotion that I feel is an overwhelming sense of worry.

Yes, worry. I've often been told that I worry way too much than is even remotely normal. Which is probably true. It's as if I'm making up for all the other emotions that I lack, and putting all the energy that I would have used to be happy, joyful, jealous, angry, or any other emotion, into worrying. About every possible thing that could happen with any small action that I do.

At the current moment, I'm worrying over who is going to read this, what they're going to think, whether I should edit it to fit their expectation. I'm worrying about people, who's going to do something stupid on the way home, and if they're going to get away with it. I'm worrying about school, about my marks from the essay I just handed in. And now I'm worrying more about my blog, and whether updating once a week is too much or too little, and wondering why people read my insane ramblings anyway.

It's amazing how many individual worries can fit into my head at a time, when I can't remember three pages for a drama script.

Sometimes it stops for a while. A loud voice yells out, above all the whispering doubts in my head...

"NIGGA, PLEASE!"