I left the chilling noise of screams and kids, and ran for shelter.

It's so easy to think in the rain. Thousands of drops falling down from the heavens. It feels so peaceful, lying here on the cold, wet concrete, away from the world, yet still very much a part of it; nothing to be heard but the rain falling to earth.

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It was raining that day too, I remember, because it was the day after Tigress had cut my hair, so that at a glance, I looked like a boy. Lion was taking me to the corner shop, to buy me some candy, and cheer me up a little. As we were leaving the house, I went to get my umbrella. I am so glad I did that, otherwise he wouldn't have turned around again to tell me that real guys don't need umbrellas. Then he looked around the house before he left it with me, for what would be the last time.

It was raining that day. I saw the rain pound his body, saw his blood stain the pavement as I ran, the tears that nobody could see stinging my eyes as I blindly tried to find my way home. How I actually made it back I cannot say, for I don't remember consciously choosing a direction, I just remember needing to run as far away as possible from what had just happened and the grim realisations that would follow. Returning home to Tigress and Leopard, I could see in their faces that they already knew what had happened, and that we all knew what it meant. It had begun, as we knew it would. We were to be hunted, persecuted for what we were, for what we had no desire to be, for the parasites that lived within our bodies.

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It is in remembering where you come from that will enable you to figure out where you are going. The first memorable tragedy in my life, other than my birth, happened in the rain. Leopard's body was found in the ocean at the bottom of a cliff, and Tigress's body was found in a bathtub of water. It's a small wonder that now, years later. I have a degree of hydrophobia. But now, lying here, one of my greatest fears pouring down on the earth for miles around me, I feel the most at peace. The rain has a way of washing away prejudices, preconceptions, misconceptions, doubts and judgements, enabling me to see things clearly. Several things I've found out in the past week have shaken my grip on the world, on reality. I find myself thinking, hoping, dreaming that my life could be like The Truman Show, everyone in it just actors, waiting to yell "Surprise!" at the right moment. No assurance like that ever comes. I've given up trying to decide what is real and what is not, for the concept of reality is not one that I have easily grasped or accepted, and the consequences of living as I do means that this bare grasp of reality is forever being disturbed by events occuring in my everyday life.

Being human, to some degree I also fear isolation, however, in keeping with my paradoxical existence, I also seek it. I believe this reaction to others is more subconscious than conscious. I am able, to a very large degree, to outwardly appear incredibly friendly and social, indeed, that is the one comment that has been everpresent in my school reports since I began formal schooling. However, although I supposedly attract many acquaintances, nobody really seems to notice how hard it is for me to make and maintain real friendships, and then to get to the point where I actually trust said friends. People often say to me that trust is essential in any friendship, and I agree, to some extent. I trust most of my friends with secrets and the like, but that's not the trust I was referring to. That was referring to trusting them not to abandon me. Only a handful of people have earned this trust, and I don't blame the rest of the world for not trying to. I'm a ridiculously hard person to get along with, and the friends I have now, trust or no, have stuck with me through good and bad, and there's been a lot of bad. Yet, for some reason, some of them still don't have that level of trust, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. It's like there is another being within my mind, controlling where and with whom I can feel safe, controlling one of the essential parts of my life: the way I interact with other people.